Monday, December 24, 2012

A Holiday Poem

Happy Christmas Eve, dear readers, and Monday Fun Day to boot! Whether or not you celebrate Christmas, there is holiday spirit all around this time of year. As such, I thought I would try my hand at recreating an old classic with my rather interesting holiday weekend at work for inspiration. I do hope you enjoy.

Another Night Before Christmas 

Twas the weekend of Christmas, on Christopher Street,
Many people were shopping, their long lists to complete.
I swept up the store and the storefront with care,
In hopes that those shoppers soon would be there.

L’amour right next door put up such a display,
Their butt plugs and rainbows were certainly gay.
The Leather Man sitting to our other side,
With a tasteful display of a man wearing hide.

Just then ‘cross the street there arose such a clatter,
“I don’t know what she eats, bitch keeps gettin’ fatter.”
Small snippets like these are the things one can hear,

When one works in the Village any time of the year.

So you chuckle and sigh because deep down you know,

It is only yet mid-day, there’s much more to go.
I began boxing crystals and packaging cheer,
New Age shops do quite well during this time of year.

With Christmas arriving and Solstice just passed,
Our knick-knacks and bobbles were selling so fast.
We three ran the store as if lost in a dance,
A dazzle of drag queens barely broke through our trance!

"Yo, Kiki! Yo, Sasha! Yo, Chan-Teal come see!
Wouldn’t this pendant look perfect on me?”
They sashayed and shimmered, they searched wall to wall.
“Don’t you worry now ladies, I’ll pay for it all.”

With the swipe of Tim's card, away they all flew,

Like a fabulous hurricane just passing through.
They strut down the street in a glamorous cloud,

Never, not once, getting lost in the crowd.

And then, in a rush, a man burst through the door,
“I’m all out of incense, do you have any more?”
I smiled and said he should just turn around,
To our whole wall of incense where good smells abound.

Then came our friend Prince in a bright yellow suit,
He’d come on this evening to show us his loot.
Reaching inside his satchel he gingerly took
Out this beautiful crystal that we might have a look.

Oh my how it twinkled! It made us so merry!
As pretty as roses, and bright red like a cherry!
Gently Prince laid all his gems in a row,
Some black as the night, some much whiter than snow.

After sharing his treasures, Prince tucked them away,

And explained who’d receive them come Christmas day.
He’d picked up and gone just as quick as he’d come,
Waltzing away, our stone laden chum.

The time had now come to lock all the locks,
Count down the cashbox and straighten the rocks.
With my Christmas gift baggy and payment in hand,

I walked through the door to go conquer the land.

L’amour was still open, why wouldn’t it be?

Young men would need toys to go under the tree.
With a smile inside, I made for my train,

But before I could get there, I caught a refrain.

At the end of the road, at the street corner bar,
I caught a quick glimpse while the door was ajar.
Twas a male Mrs. Clause, and oh what a sight,

“Ho, ho, ho mother fuckers! Y’all have a good night.”


  1. That was the most fabulous Christmas Eve post I've ever read!!!! Love you so much, and hope you have a wonderful holiday filled with love and happiness and joy. <3

    1. I thought you might enjoy it. Grandma sends her love, and so do I. Happy Christmas! <3

  2. Yeah, this is seriously an epic poem! I LOVE IT!

    1. Haha. Ever so glad that you do. The intent was to spread the holiday cheer.

  3. Brogan, that was so ridiculously hysterical- and so true! I love the end.