Sunday, April 1, 2012

Some things are just true...

Feet are ugly as sin.

Really, have you ever just looked at them? Especially here in Florida where winter can still be considered flip flop season, I’ve had ample opportunity for viewing the shoeless masses. And to be clear, by masses I mean those slabs of meat that balance the rest of you when you’re standing.

Let’s take a serious look at our feet for a minute.

The entire human body seems to flow in one direction. Yes, our arms can move about when we force them. But when we allow them to lie naturally, they fall in line with the rest of our being. From our head to our ankles, the body is a uniform mechanism. Then we have the feet. They sit there jutting out all perpendicular to the rest of the glorious human form disrupting the linear design of things. Disgusting!

This ungainly blob of flesh and bone isn’t content with simply messing up our body shui. Of course not! It splits off at the end into five (give or take) either ridiculously nubby or obscenely long and claw-like phalanges. One of these things happens to be bulbous! If you look at people when they sit and roll their feet, their toes bend to and fro, up and down, all around. The soles of their feet wrinkle and crease. Its really quite unpleasant.

And don’t get me started on when you get these things wet. Blech!

Now please don’t misunderstand. Especially given my recent toe injury, I fully respect the miracle and anatomical beauty of the foot. Here we have 26 bones working together with more than a hundred muscles, tendons, and ligaments in order to get us from point A to point B. And unless you do something to royally screw up this plan, they work pretty flawlessly. Without feet, I think we would be a pretty cumbersome species. But as it stands (see what I did there? Stands…like on feet), the human body is designed with these finely tuned appendages that carry the weight of our body. That’s actually pretty damn awesome.

Aside from the normal intricacies of the foot, the world is full of amazing stories like this: Amazing woman using her feet as hands

This woman is not the only person in the world who has learned to use her feet for pretty much everything. When you look at how great the foot’s dexterity can be, it is really awe inspiring. I mean, she can lift groceries, fold laundry, and drive a car with only her feet. She can drive, for goodness’ sake! And when the time comes to be gentle with her baby, she can easily change his diaper. That’s amazing!

When you take the time to consider their intricacies, you can’t ignore how wonderful feet actually are.

But they’re still fuckin’ ugly.


  1. Yes darling, but without feet we would not have this:,r:0,s:54,i:254

  2. How true, yes how true...said the sour kangaroo. I do love what feet allow us to do. I only meant that they are what I find to be the least attractive part of the body. lol

  3. I know I know, I just had to add a dance photo ;)

    1. :) Anything can be improved with a good dance photo. So for this, I thank you.