Monday, July 23, 2012

Feeling Heavy...

Over the weekend, I found myself an entertainer and tour guide of sorts to my visiting Florida friends. It was amazing fun, and I actually surprised myself with how much awesome (and more importantly inexpensive/free) stuff I was able to bring to their mini vacation.

From later Thursday evening until Sunday afternoon, we had many on foot adventures. We found ourselves: walking Times Square at the learly hour of 3AM just to see the lights, trekking over to 5th Avenue and up to St. Patrick’s Cathedral, heading to Rockefeller Center to take a trip up to Top of the Rock, meandering for seemingly ever until we found the right restaurants, hopping trains down to Brooklyn, braving street meat, hiking across the Brooklyn Bridge, standing on the front of the Staten Island Ferry to see the Lady and feel the wind, and finishing with a brilliant walk through Central Park made complete with fireflies at dusk.

Yes, dear readers, I had an amazing weekend with two wonderful people. But you must remember… Should you remember? Did I tell you yet? Hmmm…

Well allow me to tell you now and/or remind you of the fact that I am currently a gimp. With a sprained LCL on my right knee, I spent the whole weekend in a brace that didn’t allow my leg to bend at all. Bright side: I got to carry a super cool folding cane, and the muscles in my left leg are now chiseled like diamonds! Down side: both of my legs have a slight feeling of, you know, being trod on by a band of wild horses.

Remedy? To take a nice, warm (and by that I mean HOT) bath.

So there I was. Its Sunday night, my friends were on a plane taking them back to Florida, Grandma and I had just shared leftovers from the weekend’s birthday feast, and my legs were made of sexy mush. I hobbled my way over to the bath tub crying only a little bit. I started with a shower, because after all that walking (and serious case of stank leg brace knee) one should rinse away the filth before lying in a pool of it. After suds had come and gone, I put in the stopper and let the tub fill up.

As the faucet poured liquid Nirvana into the heavenly basin, I took a seat. I’m half way between a normal man and a giant, so I couldn’t quite lie down in a tub. This was about my sexy mush legs anyhow, so I decided to just sit. Wiggling my toes under the water, I started to feel my lower half getting lighter. You don’t realize how weighed down you feel until you experience just a touch of weightlessness.

When my legs were fully submerged, I made faces they can’t even show on HBO. It felt phenomenal! After a weekend of hobbling and leading the journey around a huge chunk of New York City, I think anyone would feel a little heavy. I allowed the healing warmth of the water to suck the weight and weariness from my legs. When I felt refreshed, I flipped the drain open and let the now heavy water slip away taking my pain with it.

Then I did something I have only done a few times before. I sat there unmoving as the water ever-so-slowly drained around me. My weight was returning, but this time there was no pain. Inch by inch, my now solid legs were released back into the hands of gravity. When I closed my eyes, I could pay attention to every little feeling caused by the water’s disappearance. Sitting once again in an empty tub, I felt heavy once more.

It was a remarkable feeling. I wonder if astronauts feel something similar when reentering the atmosphere. These are the thoughts I think while sitting naked and dripping in an empty bath tub.

Heaviness comes in many forms. Sometimes we feel weighed down and weary, beaten by physical strain. Sometimes we can feel emotionally heavy, like our heart is tied to a sinking rock. Sometimes we feel like we can’t stand up under our own weight for fear of breaking.

And sometimes our weight reminds us that we are safe and grounded. Returning to gravity, I feel strong. I feel sturdy. I feel sound.

I’m simply feeling heavy today. And I’ll take it for all that it is.

Love and light to you, dear reader. Happy Monday Fun Day.


  1. You were the most wonderful of Tour guides and I am happy you made naughtY XXX faces of relief. Your leg has been very brave indeed

    1. No shame in my game. Those faces were all kinds of inappropriate for television! Even so, I would not have had the weekend any other way. I love you, sister.