Monday, September 24, 2012

No Girls Allowed...

I am a man.

Some days I wear lots of jewelry, and some days I don’t. On occasion I prefer my clothes to be light and airy, but on most days I stick with my novelty t-shirts and blue jeans. Every day of the week, I dance around like a fool and sing along to the songs in my head. I like cats as well as dogs. Beer makes me cringe, but wine is my friend. Sports have never been of great interest to me, but in a crowd I can bring my testosterone to a boil like the best of them. I work part time and scrape by, but I’m happy with what I do and I don’t depend upon other people to keep myself alive. I can grow a full beard though I have never let it get beyond a few days of stubble. My emotions work hard to rule my big life decisions, and my head has learned to at least listen to what they have to say. Whatever my mood of the day, one fact still remains: I am most assuredly a man.

The female form is beautiful, and I recognize that, but it does not attract me. I am a man who likes men. My eye is drawn to male features and…attributes. Men I find attractive have muscle tone and definition, fair skin, and kind eyes. Just as often, I am pulled to nerdy men with glasses and a lanky but adorable figure. I have dated men with broad shoulders who wear baseball caps as well as men who spend 20 minutes on their hair every morning. Some have used makeup and others haven’t a clue on the matter. There were times when I supported both myself and my partner financially. And still there were others when, even though I had a job, I was not nearly the primary bread winner in the relationship. Whoever the focus of my attraction happens to be, of one thing I can be certain. He will be a man.

As a fully certified gay man, I think the dynamics of a man on man homosexual relationship were ingrained in my DNA at birth. I recognize that in a relationship between men there can and often times will be one partner who is more or less masculine than the other. One may bring home more money than the other, or perhaps one prefers a night at the opera while his partner would rather crack open a beer and watch a game of football. I also recognize, however, that these are things that have zero relevance to the nature of their sex life. So when a friend of mine asks me who the girl is in my relationships, I can’t help but be a little bit insulted.

That is a lie. The insult is huge, and I resent the assumption that either I or the man I’m with must be relegated to the hetero-normative female role. I cannot speak for lesbians, but I would imagine similar feelings may stir when asked which of the women happens to be the boy in the relationship. In either case, the answer should be obvious: neither of us you ignorant baboon!

Let us approach this logically. Homosexuals, and for now I’m referring only to men, are men attracted sexually to other men. That means that a gay man will date men…boyfriends. When I am in a relationship (as a gay man), I am my boyfriend’s boyfriend. If I were my boyfriend’s girlfriend, or visa-versa, I would cease to be a homosexual. It is logically impossible for a homosexual relationship between men to contain a girlfriend. No girls allowed.

As a side note, girls are awesome. Some of my best friends are girls, and I love them dearly. In many ways, I even consider women to be superior to men. But they have no place in my sex life. I am a man who likes men, and that’s all there is to it.

So do not make the mistake of assuming that my choice to wear something colorful and soft today has suddenly caused my man parts to disintegrate. Such a line of thought is ignorant, and actually quite rude. Effeminate men can be sexually dominant, and a man who loves sports can be the small spoon. Whatever the case may be, it is between those two men and is certainly none of your damn business.

Enlighten yourself, and have a glorious Monday Fun Day.

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